Why We Are Gay, Straight -- Whatever! Looking For Solution For Something That's Not A Problem

The fascination with the cause of sexuality has dominated more than one conversation at parties, and after a few drinks, it either became a fight or no problem at all!

I don't pretend to be an expert, but sometimes we just need to apply a general understanding and common sense to find answers. Other times, what some think is "common sense" is not so common, and may very well be social and scientific ignorance of the subject, science and the implications of even asking the question. I will review a few theories on the causes, but more importantly, I will consider the question, "Why look for a solution, if there's no problem?"

1. Sin. It's not God's will.

Wow, that was easy. Eve was made for Adam as a child factory and/or his pleasure machine. Anyone who would choose this alternative way of life, is just spitting in the eye of their Lord, their creator who doesn't make mistakes!

To this, I have to ask, "if God made no mistakes, and he created everything, including the nature of sin, then why would he punish those who exercised the ability that God ,the father gave them to choose a surefire pathway to Hell for choosing such a thing? If it is a religious choice, isn't that like saying a child would spank himself for the parent spanking him? You know, just to get back at them? That will really show them.

"My whole sexuality is all about you, my parent. I am going to suffer ridicule and scrutiny my whole life, just to get back at you and that damn mean paternalistic God! I don't really like the same sex, but I am making a rebellious statement. Yuk, penises sure taste bad, but keep them coming; it will make my parents and God so mad!"

2. Against Nature.

This argument comes from those who want to pretend they are being scientific. The penis is made for the vagina and anywhere else someone puts it, is unnatural. And everybody knows the anus is for things to come out, never for things to go in. Same goes for the mouth. Wait, let me think.

Oh, well. That sure ruled out masturbation, oral sex and anal sex, but what about these activities with the opposite sex? And of course, it really rules out the that hand was made for the manipulation of the penis as well. Anyone knows that's just so men could shake it after they urinate, right? Women only need hands for washing dishes, cooking and cleaning and I guess picking up after the children.

3. It's genetic.

Gay parents have gay children. Bi parents have bi children. Straight parents have straight children... transsexual parents have transsexual kids. We, scientists all know this is the only possible explanation. So, if we just stop these mixed marriages, homosexuality will disappear after a single generation. There, problem solved.

4. It's a genetic defect.

So we just have to look for a way to kill gay people before they are conceived, or abort them once we detect that darned ole gene. I favor gene therapy for those that slipped out without detection. Ah, the one that got away! Living in SF now, well that's a good place for them.

5. It's the environment.

Guys, your mother didn't wash your penis fast enough or long enough to stimulate your little hormones. Or maybe moms were just so darn mean, they created a woman-hater. And we all know; all woman-hating men eventually become gay. And Lesbians, well you just didn’t see your Dad enough while he had to work all the time. Or maybe you just saw him a little too much, if you know what I mean. Did Daddy sneak into every Lesbians bedroom and have his way when she was a little girl?

6. It's contagious and you can be recruited.

I had to ask my dad if he ever could be recruited. "Hey baby, I know you have never actually fantasized about penises before, but that's just because you never put one in your mouth."

I wonder if this has ever worked on someone that was still awake.

Yeah, but what about rape victims who become heterosexual and insatiably so? What about guys reaching out to women too much because they didn’t get enough breastfeeding? Maybe, if only his sister or kissing cousin had only taught him how to do it when he was still young enough to salvage. Or maybe he just hasn’t found the “right” woman yet, and he is only ferociously attracted to men until she shows up to let him know what good sex really is.

The list goes on and on and people just can’t help themselves in their own genetic nature of mental masturbation.

The biggest problem I see is that the focus on this one aspect of humanity presumes that it is a problem to be solved or prevented.

Humans in their own arrogance as the superior species, have ignored the primordial ties that exhibit the appearance of homosexuality, bisexuality and even “leg-sexuality” (for Fido) in every species. We are animals and stimulation feels good. We are made that way and we become even more that way as we get older. Even after our bodies stop acting that way, the mind still thinks that way.

We are attracted to so many things that have nothing to do with gender, it would make your head swell (Don’t go there). OK, I will… watermelons? Well, he’s a “Melonsexual” when he can’t find a vagina, anus or mouth, that is. What about these fetishes? Is it possible there is no gender attraction at all?

Hey that's my Grandmom!

Is it possible that most men may be attracted to anything that has voluptuous breasts, a bang-able badonkadonk or smooth, caress-able skin (or latex if you prefer)? Is it possible that most women are attracted to muscles or beer-bellies and thick facial hair (watch out, that’s my Grandmom)? Hey, maybe you just have a penis fetish or a “long thick thing” fetish. Maybe you just have a “wetness-tightness” fetish. Maybe you just get turned on by the smell of corn chips because they smell like feet or fish. Maybe you spend $100 on sport shoes because they are rubbery and phallic. Who knows?

Is it possible that this whole male/female polarity is just a big joke and that people are complex sexual beings that react to a long list of a simultaneous collection of variables that have absolutely nothing to do with reproduction or gender? I mean, how many people get sexually aroused by the thought of “getting pregnant or becoming fat and uncomfortable for nine months”?

That's NOT a body part!

Should I care? Do I have any reason to “worry” about it? I find it hard to believe that it is simply “intellectual curiosity” that drives these questions; or maybe simply asking the questions and discussing it at all is just an excuse to say things like “penis, vagina or breast”?

Ah, the titillation!