How Not To Argue!

After years as an internet warrior and educator I thought I would give up on anyone bothering to take a course in Critical Thinking or Logic. It has often been futile to try to reason with some people who had no clue there are actual rules as to what is a reasonable argument and what is not. I thought I would propose a common sense list of the most common fallacies and my own simple examples. Keep in mind, though many of these look very familiar and feel comfortable, this is how you "Fail" to be logical, so please don't mistake this as an endorsement of these techniques.

I realize many will think it is intellectual crap and "everyone has a right to an opinion" but this entire list is accepted by all logicians from Aristotle on as the wrong way to argue. It presupposes that "not everyone has a right to an opinion" if there is no sufficient basis.

Please note: We don't use bibles as reference sources for logic. Some of you may chose to print this and use it as a pocket map of how to beat people in an argument. Feel free to do so! If you are one who likes to show people how they are wrong, this should be helpful.

As you listen to those who try to persuade you, remind them that saying it twice, or loudly and stylishly doesn't make them right. If you chose to use the techniques below as a roadmap to winning arguments I make no warranties as to how people will accept them only as to how they are.

Some may consider this academic and some humorous; you be the judge.

Relevance

Appeal to force

-Physical
I will kill you if you don’t give me an A.

-Emotional
I will tell everyone you are gay if you don’t give me an A.

-Appeal to pity
I have only one arm therefore you should give me an A.

Appeal to the people

-Direct
Vote for me and you’ll all get A’s.
-Indirect
Come on, everybody’s doing it.
-Bandwagon
They all voted for me; you should too.
-Vanity
I love a man in uniform. Dress for success!
-Snobbery
My shirt has an alligator on it; yours has "Sears", therefore I’m more stylish.


Argument Against the Person (Ad Hominem)

-abusive
Don’t speak to him; he’s a fag.
-circumstantial
Don’t speak to him; he doesn’t have any money.

-Tu quoque “you too”
You are a murderer. > You are too, so who are you to talk?> So, murder is okay.
-or-

-2 wrongs make a right
You had an affair, so can I.

Accident (Misapplied rule)
Why can’t I play my stereo loudly; it’s a free country.

Straw Man (picking it apart/or attacking something that it isn't)
Jesus wasn’t really perfect; he lost his temper once in the temple; Anger is a sin, so don’t follow sinners like Jesus.

Missing the Point
Crime is going up, so we should put everyone in jail.
or
Bush-There are terrorists, who hate our freedom,
therefore we should give up our right to privacy and free speech.

Red Herring
Students participate in peaceful protest>
Communists participate in peaceful protest>
Don’t protest or you’re a communist.

Weak Induction

Appeal to Unqualified Authority

My preacher said you could get AIDS from kissing.

Appeal to Ignorance/Lack of evidence

He hasn’t proved he is innocent; therefore he is guilty.
or vice versa -
He hasn’t proved he is guilty; therefore he is innocent.

Hasty Generalization

Affirmative Action in 30 years hasn’t solved all the problems of racism over the last 300 years;

therefore, it will never work.

or

Bush- Diplomacy hasn’t worked so far;

therefore, war is the appropriate next step—immediately!

False Cause

He got AIDS because he is immoral and promiscuous.

Slippery Slope (Compounded Exaggeration)

If I join the army, I might kill someone; if that person was working on a cure for AIDS and; as a result of my killing him, he fails; then millions of people will die. Then everyone who didn’t get AIDS will feel so bad they kill themselves.

Therefore, I shouldn’t join the Army.

Weak Analogy

Dogs don’t like cats, so blacks should not marry whites.

Presumption, Ambiguity, Grammatical Analogy

Begging the Question

I am poor because I don’t have any money.

Complex Question/Assumptive
Follow-up Questions Without a Foundation

Have you told your mother you’re gay?

Are you still having an affair with your secretary?

How much pot do you smoke each week?

False Dichotomy

Either you study for this course or you will never finish college.

Suppressed Evidence/Missing/Forced Choice

Situation- John has AIDS. Mary Knows it. Mary tells Susan she should have children with him because he is so smart.

Equivocation (not be confused with “Ambiguous”)

Quarterbacks pass well; therefore, John, the Quarterback will pass his Logic course.

Amphiboly

I saw a man outside.

Meaning- I was in my house when I saw a man outside my window.

0r - I was outside when I saw a man.

Composition (Mixed is as good as separate)

I love pizza and ice cream therefore put some pizza and ice cream in the blender, it should be delicious.

or

Nitric Acid does not explode.
Glycerin Soap does not explode.

Therefore, nitroglycerin would not explode.

Division (Separate is as good as mixed)

A car will get me across the country.
Therefore, a carburetor will get me to Chattanooga.

Definitions of fallacies

Below you will find a few examples of my favorite illogical or easily misunderstood fallacies in the real world.

Daily Show & Colbert Report: Forced Rescusitation of America's Ignorant!

Are Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert raping the mind of America or are they impregnating them with a chance of rebirthing intelligence?

As a professor of Critical Thinking (Logic and other forms) I often find an unwillingness to replace opinion with facts among students who interestingly enough, have not yet discovered they don't know what they don't know. Such students will tell us that we all have a right to an opinion. I have to remind them that in my class, they don't, unless those opinions are preceded by supported premises.

But who would dare require students to assume a teacher knows more about the subject than they? Who would dream of denying a child to think candy was more nutritious than vegetables? Who would have the nerve to inflict ignorance with knowledge? Especially in a college?

Stephen Colbert and his progenitor, Jon Stewart of the Daily Show consistently demonstrate not only how hip they are and how funny intelligence can be, but they may be teaching us that the world has a chance after all if we just stop being afraid to laugh at village idiots.

Every night, millions of the highest IQ viewers across the US watch with bated breath to hear pearls of wisdom through the parody and satire that Colbert and Stewart deliver. Stewart has become in a short time, the most preferred interviewer of Presidents, scientists, Nobel Laureates of every discipline, and frankly those in the know... outside the US head of state, of course.

In this clip from Colbert we see a very funny twist on the idea that ignorant people are getting very pissed at being wrong. Enjoy!

Colbert-The WORD: Heated Debate 4min

TCR - heated Debate [4:00m]: Download

Why We Are Gay, Straight -- Whatever! Looking For Solution For Something That's Not A Problem

The fascination with the cause of sexuality has dominated more than one conversation at parties, and after a few drinks, it either became a fight or no problem at all!

I don't pretend to be an expert, but sometimes we just need to apply a general understanding and common sense to find answers. Other times, what some think is "common sense" is not so common, and may very well be social and scientific ignorance of the subject, science and the implications of even asking the question. I will review a few theories on the causes, but more importantly, I will consider the question, "Why look for a solution, if there's no problem?"

1. Sin. It's not God's will.

Wow, that was easy. Eve was made for Adam as a child factory and/or his pleasure machine. Anyone who would choose this alternative way of life, is just spitting in the eye of their Lord, their creator who doesn't make mistakes!

To this, I have to ask, "if God made no mistakes, and he created everything, including the nature of sin, then why would he punish those who exercised the ability that God ,the father gave them to choose a surefire pathway to Hell for choosing such a thing? If it is a religious choice, isn't that like saying a child would spank himself for the parent spanking him? You know, just to get back at them? That will really show them.

"My whole sexuality is all about you, my parent. I am going to suffer ridicule and scrutiny my whole life, just to get back at you and that damn mean paternalistic God! I don't really like the same sex, but I am making a rebellious statement. Yuk, penises sure taste bad, but keep them coming; it will make my parents and God so mad!"

2. Against Nature.

This argument comes from those who want to pretend they are being scientific. The penis is made for the vagina and anywhere else someone puts it, is unnatural. And everybody knows the anus is for things to come out, never for things to go in. Same goes for the mouth. Wait, let me think.

Oh, well. That sure ruled out masturbation, oral sex and anal sex, but what about these activities with the opposite sex? And of course, it really rules out the that hand was made for the manipulation of the penis as well. Anyone knows that's just so men could shake it after they urinate, right? Women only need hands for washing dishes, cooking and cleaning and I guess picking up after the children.

3. It's genetic.

Gay parents have gay children. Bi parents have bi children. Straight parents have straight children... transsexual parents have transsexual kids. We, scientists all know this is the only possible explanation. So, if we just stop these mixed marriages, homosexuality will disappear after a single generation. There, problem solved.

4. It's a genetic defect.

So we just have to look for a way to kill gay people before they are conceived, or abort them once we detect that darned ole gene. I favor gene therapy for those that slipped out without detection. Ah, the one that got away! Living in SF now, well that's a good place for them.

5. It's the environment.

Guys, your mother didn't wash your penis fast enough or long enough to stimulate your little hormones. Or maybe moms were just so darn mean, they created a woman-hater. And we all know; all woman-hating men eventually become gay. And Lesbians, well you just didn’t see your Dad enough while he had to work all the time. Or maybe you just saw him a little too much, if you know what I mean. Did Daddy sneak into every Lesbians bedroom and have his way when she was a little girl?

6. It's contagious and you can be recruited.

I had to ask my dad if he ever could be recruited. "Hey baby, I know you have never actually fantasized about penises before, but that's just because you never put one in your mouth."

I wonder if this has ever worked on someone that was still awake.

Yeah, but what about rape victims who become heterosexual and insatiably so? What about guys reaching out to women too much because they didn’t get enough breastfeeding? Maybe, if only his sister or kissing cousin had only taught him how to do it when he was still young enough to salvage. Or maybe he just hasn’t found the “right” woman yet, and he is only ferociously attracted to men until she shows up to let him know what good sex really is.

The list goes on and on and people just can’t help themselves in their own genetic nature of mental masturbation.

The biggest problem I see is that the focus on this one aspect of humanity presumes that it is a problem to be solved or prevented.

Humans in their own arrogance as the superior species, have ignored the primordial ties that exhibit the appearance of homosexuality, bisexuality and even “leg-sexuality” (for Fido) in every species. We are animals and stimulation feels good. We are made that way and we become even more that way as we get older. Even after our bodies stop acting that way, the mind still thinks that way.

We are attracted to so many things that have nothing to do with gender, it would make your head swell (Don’t go there). OK, I will… watermelons? Well, he’s a “Melonsexual” when he can’t find a vagina, anus or mouth, that is. What about these fetishes? Is it possible there is no gender attraction at all?

Hey that's my Grandmom!

Is it possible that most men may be attracted to anything that has voluptuous breasts, a bang-able badonkadonk or smooth, caress-able skin (or latex if you prefer)? Is it possible that most women are attracted to muscles or beer-bellies and thick facial hair (watch out, that’s my Grandmom)? Hey, maybe you just have a penis fetish or a “long thick thing” fetish. Maybe you just have a “wetness-tightness” fetish. Maybe you just get turned on by the smell of corn chips because they smell like feet or fish. Maybe you spend $100 on sport shoes because they are rubbery and phallic. Who knows?

Is it possible that this whole male/female polarity is just a big joke and that people are complex sexual beings that react to a long list of a simultaneous collection of variables that have absolutely nothing to do with reproduction or gender? I mean, how many people get sexually aroused by the thought of “getting pregnant or becoming fat and uncomfortable for nine months”?

That's NOT a body part!

Should I care? Do I have any reason to “worry” about it? I find it hard to believe that it is simply “intellectual curiosity” that drives these questions; or maybe simply asking the questions and discussing it at all is just an excuse to say things like “penis, vagina or breast”?

Ah, the titillation!

Daily Show: Light on an Overcast, Polluted Day!

Only 2 years ago, the average American could not tell you what the Daily Show was, much less which channel it was on and they certainly hadn't watched it. Today, according to Bill Clinton, "It is the source of news for discriminating college students."

I am not a college student but I am among those that read books and usually vote Democratic, except when the Democrat is the rabid, verbose Zell Miller. According to a recent study of the IQs of TV viewers, viewers of the Comedy Central's Daily Show and PBS's News Hour (The Lehrer Report) are the two highest IQ viewers on TV. Fox news came in... (No, not 3rd) but last. But there are a lot of viewers who apparently fall into that low IQ category we will refer to as: The Fox Fools.

Strangely, though Fox's politics is markedly right-wing and ignorant, their entertainment division includes Mad TV, Dirt (about a Hollywood gossip column), and Nip/Tuck (Horned out Plastic Surgeons). It seems that Fox's religion and politics don't mix.

The Daily Show, however, with comedian Jon Stewart at the helm, addresses the issues of the day, every day with extraordinary humor and intelligence. Stewart has interviewed ever major world statesman, some several times. He reads and clearly understands every book on the NY
Times Bestseller's List, then interviews their authors, a list which includes every conceivable member of both Republican and Democratic intelligencia. He even gives equal time to the lesser known parties with people like Ralph Nader. His questions and comments are not only funny, but more insightful than any anchor you will find on any network.

Much like the Simpsons, he appeals to the kids and adults with equal ease. If someone just likes funny jabs at the faux pas of the political elite, he's got it. If they want deeper analysis and big words, he's got that too. If one searches YouTube or Google Video they will find a virtual who's who sitting across from Stewart.

The ratings, month by months are growing and the trend may lead them into the number one spot as we come into the 2008 Presidential Season.

Followed by The Colbert Report, a parody of Fox's O'Reilly, the pair provide an hour of escape from that news that might otherwise make you cry while truly informing you about the horrors of politics from a lighter perspective.

Tired Of Being Right About Your Leftism? Become Republican!

When Stephen Colbert said, "...reality has a well-known liberal bias," he really riled a few Republicans as they were called on there lies and pandering. But below, we find there is a solution to being politically correct; Become a Republican!




Various Timing/Interactive Flash---Enjoy!