How Not To Argue!

After years as an internet warrior and educator I thought I would give up on anyone bothering to take a course in Critical Thinking or Logic. It has often been futile to try to reason with some people who had no clue there are actual rules as to what is a reasonable argument and what is not. I thought I would propose a common sense list of the most common fallacies and my own simple examples. Keep in mind, though many of these look very familiar and feel comfortable, this is how you "Fail" to be logical, so please don't mistake this as an endorsement of these techniques.

I realize many will think it is intellectual crap and "everyone has a right to an opinion" but this entire list is accepted by all logicians from Aristotle on as the wrong way to argue. It presupposes that "not everyone has a right to an opinion" if there is no sufficient basis.

Please note: We don't use bibles as reference sources for logic. Some of you may chose to print this and use it as a pocket map of how to beat people in an argument. Feel free to do so! If you are one who likes to show people how they are wrong, this should be helpful.

As you listen to those who try to persuade you, remind them that saying it twice, or loudly and stylishly doesn't make them right. If you chose to use the techniques below as a roadmap to winning arguments I make no warranties as to how people will accept them only as to how they are.

Some may consider this academic and some humorous; you be the judge.

Relevance

Appeal to force

-Physical
I will kill you if you don’t give me an A.

-Emotional
I will tell everyone you are gay if you don’t give me an A.

-Appeal to pity
I have only one arm therefore you should give me an A.

Appeal to the people

-Direct
Vote for me and you’ll all get A’s.
-Indirect
Come on, everybody’s doing it.
-Bandwagon
They all voted for me; you should too.
-Vanity
I love a man in uniform. Dress for success!
-Snobbery
My shirt has an alligator on it; yours has "Sears", therefore I’m more stylish.


Argument Against the Person (Ad Hominem)

-abusive
Don’t speak to him; he’s a fag.
-circumstantial
Don’t speak to him; he doesn’t have any money.

-Tu quoque “you too”
You are a murderer. > You are too, so who are you to talk?> So, murder is okay.
-or-

-2 wrongs make a right
You had an affair, so can I.

Accident (Misapplied rule)
Why can’t I play my stereo loudly; it’s a free country.

Straw Man (picking it apart/or attacking something that it isn't)
Jesus wasn’t really perfect; he lost his temper once in the temple; Anger is a sin, so don’t follow sinners like Jesus.

Missing the Point
Crime is going up, so we should put everyone in jail.
or
Bush-There are terrorists, who hate our freedom,
therefore we should give up our right to privacy and free speech.

Red Herring
Students participate in peaceful protest>
Communists participate in peaceful protest>
Don’t protest or you’re a communist.

Weak Induction

Appeal to Unqualified Authority

My preacher said you could get AIDS from kissing.

Appeal to Ignorance/Lack of evidence

He hasn’t proved he is innocent; therefore he is guilty.
or vice versa -
He hasn’t proved he is guilty; therefore he is innocent.

Hasty Generalization

Affirmative Action in 30 years hasn’t solved all the problems of racism over the last 300 years;

therefore, it will never work.

or

Bush- Diplomacy hasn’t worked so far;

therefore, war is the appropriate next step—immediately!

False Cause

He got AIDS because he is immoral and promiscuous.

Slippery Slope (Compounded Exaggeration)

If I join the army, I might kill someone; if that person was working on a cure for AIDS and; as a result of my killing him, he fails; then millions of people will die. Then everyone who didn’t get AIDS will feel so bad they kill themselves.

Therefore, I shouldn’t join the Army.

Weak Analogy

Dogs don’t like cats, so blacks should not marry whites.

Presumption, Ambiguity, Grammatical Analogy

Begging the Question

I am poor because I don’t have any money.

Complex Question/Assumptive
Follow-up Questions Without a Foundation

Have you told your mother you’re gay?

Are you still having an affair with your secretary?

How much pot do you smoke each week?

False Dichotomy

Either you study for this course or you will never finish college.

Suppressed Evidence/Missing/Forced Choice

Situation- John has AIDS. Mary Knows it. Mary tells Susan she should have children with him because he is so smart.

Equivocation (not be confused with “Ambiguous”)

Quarterbacks pass well; therefore, John, the Quarterback will pass his Logic course.

Amphiboly

I saw a man outside.

Meaning- I was in my house when I saw a man outside my window.

0r - I was outside when I saw a man.

Composition (Mixed is as good as separate)

I love pizza and ice cream therefore put some pizza and ice cream in the blender, it should be delicious.

or

Nitric Acid does not explode.
Glycerin Soap does not explode.

Therefore, nitroglycerin would not explode.

Division (Separate is as good as mixed)

A car will get me across the country.
Therefore, a carburetor will get me to Chattanooga.

Definitions of fallacies

Below you will find a few examples of my favorite illogical or easily misunderstood fallacies in the real world.

Betty Bowers Reports: Reich or Wrong?

A N S W E R S
1
We were convinced that the people need and require this faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out.
-- Adolf Hitler, in a speech in Berlin on October 24, 1933

2
First, to set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. This is to be done in honor of our Lord and of Christendom, so that God might see that we are Christians, and do not condone or knowingly tolerate such public lying, cursing, and blaspheming of his Son and of his Christians.
-- Martin Luther, On the Jews and Their Lies (1543)
3
I think 'one man, one vote,' just unrestricted democracy, would not be wise. There needs to be some kind of protection for the minority which the white people represent now, a minority, and they need and have a right to demand a protection of their rights.
-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, March 18, 1992
4
What shall we Christians do with this rejected and condemned people, the Jews? Since they live among us, we dare not tolerate their conduct, now that we are aware of their lying and reviling and blaspheming. If we do, we become sharers in their lies, cursing and blasphemy. Thus we cannot extinguish the unquenchable fire of divine wrath, of which the prophets speak, nor can we convert the Jews. With prayer and the fear of God we must practice a sharp mercy to see whether we might save at least a few from the glowing flames.
-- Martin Luther, On the Jews and Their Lies (1543)
5
It is interesting, that termites don't build things, and the great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because Christians have the desire to build something. He is motivated by love of man and God, so he builds. The people who have come into [our] institutions [today] are primarily termites. They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have.... The termites are in charge now, and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation.
-- Pat Robertson, New York Magazine, August 18, 1986
6
It would have been more to the point, more honest and more Christian, in past decades not to support those who intentionally destroyed healthy life than to rebel against those who have no other wish than to avoid disease. Moreover, a policy of laissez faire in this sphere is not only cruelty to the individual guiltless victims but also to the nation as a whole....
If the Churches were to declare themselves ready to take over the treatment and care of those suffering from hereditary diseases, we should be quite ready to refrain from sterilizing them.
-- Adolf Hitler, in his speech on January 30, 1934
7
Communism was the brainchild of German-Jewish intellectuals.
-- Pat Robertson, The New World Order, (1991), p.17
8
I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews. For they have no business in the countryside.
-- Martin Luther, On the Jews and Their Lies (1543)
9
The courts are merely a ruse, if you will, for humanist, atheistic educators to beat up on Christians.
-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, October 2, 1990
10
In this hour I would ask of the Lord God only this: that, as in the past, so in the years to come He would give His blessing to our work and our action, to our judgment and our resolution, that He will safeguard us from all false pride and from all cowardly servility, that He may grant us to find the straight path which His Providence has ordained for the German people, and that He may ever give us the courage to do the right, never to falter, never to yield before any violence, before any danger.... I am convinced that men who are created by God should live in accordance with the will of the Almighty.... If Providence had not guided us I could often never have found these dizzy paths.... Thus it is that we National Socialists, too, have in the depths of our hearts our faith. We cannot do otherwise: no man can fashion world-history or the history of peoples unless upon his purpose and his powers there rests the blessings of this Providence.
-- Adolf Hitler, in a speech at Wurzburg on June 27, 1937

All of this is true but for some great parody and insight
on the Christian Right, visit America's Best Christian,